Thursday, August 27, 2009

I am actually still friends with this person, indicating he probably never received this missive.

[Ed. Note: I shot this little "hi, howareya" gem to one of my ex-pat (at the time) buddies. Reading this makes me think I should start being nicer to my friends. Maybe.]

From elvi slives
Sent Thursday, March 28, 2002 10:43 am
To J-

Subject Re: What the f*ck?!?!

Hey J-

I hope this gets to you -- although I am fairly confident that, even if it doesn't, it will get to someone like you (due to the highly irregular email). Speaking of which, you should go to scrotum.com as they give out free email addresses. W- and I went to a comedy performance last night (they were doing a draw) and one of the winners email address was jesussaves@scrotum.com. It doesn't get much better than that. I don't know how it could.

Moving on, how is (fill in name of current country of residence here)? I hear that you are teaching 3rd graders--I am so sorry to have to miss that. Those poor children are probably totally unaware of the fact that there bigger difference between count and c*nt than one letter can justify. Just remember--children are not to be toyed with. They are to be beaten severely.

We all miss you terribly -- and when I say all, I mean A-. She pretty much does the brunt of that emotional feelings thing. We've not yet returned to Indian -- it's just not the same without you--we no longer have to wait forty minutes to eat cause you're late--but W- and I were thinking that we would have a little "wake" for you next week. Crying (or laughing, it's all the same to me) into bottles of Alize or some other sort of flavored liqueur, reminiscing about the old days when you weren't so mature as you are now (which, really, I think a lot of people have a hard time believing that you could be less mature) et cetera, et cetera.

If you came home (and no one would think less of you--I mean, really, how could they?) we could all go together. I'm just saying ...

Talk to you soon (and when I say soon, I mean in a year or so).

elvi slives

PHOTO: J- and I once drank an entire bottle of Alize and half a bottle of vodka, then took a bus to Williamsburg. Because that's how drunk you have to be to go to Williamsburg.

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