tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22887447305866075972024-03-13T21:58:03.036-04:00Boredom BlogPerhaps the world's second worst crime is boredom. The first is being a bore. - Sir Cecil Walter Hardy BeatonErin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.comBlogger241125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-14722706954139639592011-01-09T14:10:00.004-05:002011-01-09T14:12:23.783-05:00Twilight should not be the highlight of your life.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYj2J2W5ZFUaG19zdoQCa1h3zAWwxNZ7HYDqmgu7bZSWa4qteJnZgCEnZFTtMhh28iJnzondcj9dYIA0EhIN2CdiTYIdIYyVAAWQ-b1Uo02VO7Mcs-BQ4BFHPlrsbAsEwrkC4nlw_2br0/s1600/twimomgonecrazy.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 140px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560265850481194738" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYj2J2W5ZFUaG19zdoQCa1h3zAWwxNZ7HYDqmgu7bZSWa4qteJnZgCEnZFTtMhh28iJnzondcj9dYIA0EhIN2CdiTYIdIYyVAAWQ-b1Uo02VO7Mcs-BQ4BFHPlrsbAsEwrkC4nlw_2br0/s200/twimomgonecrazy.jpg" /></a>Dear <a href="http://dlisted.com/node/40306">Cathy</a>,<br /><div> </div><div>You are going to regret this for the rest of your life. </div><br /><div>Sincerely,<br /><br />Common Sense </div>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-21167924952771439742011-01-09T13:35:00.002-05:002011-01-09T13:40:37.901-05:00My mind is blown.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeF3jED3nvP7dIKKB1rApn1sNBQvAsaDJBDDIloTj6wnYO71hxh2D1PnFMVAO4gEWbEWnaQICp8UitfGEOtIrECf_5cNM81guSr75UfoBUtMFGQTZD2mQt9LcixO3VobXrB0ph6WZ9vsc/s1600/0107-pauly-d-chloe-sevigny-00-480x320.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 134px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560257805134847234" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeF3jED3nvP7dIKKB1rApn1sNBQvAsaDJBDDIloTj6wnYO71hxh2D1PnFMVAO4gEWbEWnaQICp8UitfGEOtIrECf_5cNM81guSr75UfoBUtMFGQTZD2mQt9LcixO3VobXrB0ph6WZ9vsc/s200/0107-pauly-d-chloe-sevigny-00-480x320.jpg" /></a>Chloe Sevigny and Pauly D <a href="http://www.thesuperficial.com/chloe-sevigny-is-dating-pauly-d-01-2011">might be a couple</a>. I don't know how I feel about that.Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-1503035344507043032011-01-09T13:28:00.004-05:002011-01-09T13:51:44.183-05:00The world is kicking my ass.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAjZNSpcSqBGp0EGnfk8rFfuaG-LCjIW07uXB39UE0jmqfMNiuBggxlsp4bwnRuIL48S-wYk5CF-O64ThFDge5xxDV__H0WXKwrMFRgjvav0dEzgatWflMLG-349bnBqnHYOEXg7REXgk/s1600/untitled.bmp"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 160px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5560259424323502914" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAjZNSpcSqBGp0EGnfk8rFfuaG-LCjIW07uXB39UE0jmqfMNiuBggxlsp4bwnRuIL48S-wYk5CF-O64ThFDge5xxDV__H0WXKwrMFRgjvav0dEzgatWflMLG-349bnBqnHYOEXg7REXgk/s200/untitled.bmp" /></a>This Friday, instead of going to a party, I fell asleep at 7 PM in the midst of reading for b-school with an empty box of Golden Crisp on my chest. That was quite possibly the highlight of my week. Don't feel sorry for me, though -- I dreamt that I was picking out an outfit to wear to my company's IPO. Best dream ever. <div> </div><div><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: Remember Golden Crisp's old mascot, Sugar Bear? I think he got fired after he was discovered in a </span><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/george-michael-arrested-over-lewd-act-1155246.html">Beverly Hills bathroom with George Michael.</a></span></div>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-12977628848022217342011-01-04T16:37:00.005-05:002011-01-09T14:22:20.072-05:00The time for full disclosure has come. Avert your eyes.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWjaa410_D9lfBO3KLuOi_cjh_YaAGxXnHWn9pN0HxgKXBS_EMkZuKDvX88iuOnmp5Ob1AE6gKysoNx-dMpntCs-p98E2RAhm3s0f8VwdxNsYniKDWiTIOkBunWKrJcdFbQ1RLnlKRvC4/s1600/Black-Swan-Natalie-Portman-2-9-10-kc.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558450485052057858" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 148px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWjaa410_D9lfBO3KLuOi_cjh_YaAGxXnHWn9pN0HxgKXBS_EMkZuKDvX88iuOnmp5Ob1AE6gKysoNx-dMpntCs-p98E2RAhm3s0f8VwdxNsYniKDWiTIOkBunWKrJcdFbQ1RLnlKRvC4/s200/Black-Swan-Natalie-Portman-2-9-10-kc.jpg" border="0" /></a>Current Stats: I weigh 177 pounds right now, with a BMI of approximately 29%. My target is 145 (or thereabouts). My inspiration is Natalie Portman's training for <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0947798/">Black Swan</a>. KIDDING! I kid. I want to be able to perform when this resolution is done, not be an alarming anecdote in a Gawker article about Darren Aronofsky. So don't worry, as all of this will be done under the strictest consultations of the finest doctors that <a href="http://www.webmd.com/">WebMD</a> can buy.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">Photo: I could never pull off that eye makeup. I totally have that crown, though. </span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-55064883861399234822011-01-04T16:14:00.004-05:002011-01-09T14:21:02.329-05:00In six months, I will be bionic.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQwxbs60d6idglJ8I35qMvw3Kj5m14LU75T3vhVuLq0K1gsXDUJ6Sdcan7uHe_VQ5Wf4KOLQUaVo8JMLscJme4yW8nuPvTG5C0aC2Xfyfci6dNr5ilGdAeh17h6BEnhiDGVl4CoMpm9GA/s1600/calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutions.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 152px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558446046536577858" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQwxbs60d6idglJ8I35qMvw3Kj5m14LU75T3vhVuLq0K1gsXDUJ6Sdcan7uHe_VQ5Wf4KOLQUaVo8JMLscJme4yW8nuPvTG5C0aC2Xfyfci6dNr5ilGdAeh17h6BEnhiDGVl4CoMpm9GA/s200/calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutions.jpg" /></a>As some of you may have suspected, I am not Oprah Winfrey, and thus have not the resources nor the cognitive ability to balk a storied New Year's tradition that sets millions up for inevitable disappointment just to <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203731004576046133477842442.html?KEYWORDS=oprah">live in the now</a> of common sense and good judgment. Instead, I've decided to amuse you by making resolutions that I will actually keep. Or, that I fail at so spectacularly you can't help but be riveted.<p><span id="fullpost">My resolutions are as follows: <br /><ul><br /><li>Be a performance-level aerialist (read: be able to perform for 2-3 minutes non-stop) by July 1, 2011. </li><br /><li>Lose 30 pounds by July 1, 2011. </li></ul><br /><p>They are serious and difficult goals (shocking, I know), but this woman broke both of her legs, <a href="http://blisstree.com/move/video-yoga-instructor-teaches-with-broken-legs/">and is still teaching yoga classes,</a> so I have no excuses for failure. Except laziness. That will always be an acceptable excuse. Join me and laugh at my pain! It will most likely be substantial. </p></span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-17812427517625964662009-08-31T15:43:00.007-04:002009-08-31T23:24:16.957-04:00In which I try to make a friend on Friendster. And fail.<span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: An email exchange I had with someone who who read my profile on friendster, and emailed me because he thought I was "interesting." We had been corresponding for about a week, and were discussing our mutual desire to expatriate from the U.S. (an incredibly prescient decision, given <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election,_2004">the election </a>held later that year].</span><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376217794062823986" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 160px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYjDYISipPzvc0ctpiomWvOUfvV5Q4Y0wHGGZDRkgZojWUpCo9f5H-sBCjWBu3BItS54di6aoOnp3hyphenhyphen1HzkrC9PuLhz2pLkIdMxeZN_PPAVG8NCTjl5gOFfJHfESOLhcSIwt4uorJzDM/s200/dave-matthews-rca04.jpg" border="0" /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Tuesday, February 24, 2004 5:51 pm<br />To [redacted]<br />Subject Re: elvi from Friendster<br /><br />How have you been? I am amazingly slammed at work (as usual) so I've not been able to respond to you until now.<br /><br />If I were to go ex-pat, I would move somewhere benign, like London or Toronto -- I have to admit, London has such an amazing draw because it's an excellent base to travel from. Ideally, I would eventually learn another language (I'm thinking German or French as they are v. internationally-recognized languages, in addition to English-- When I was in Germany, my host family didn't speak English, so I learned it pdq -- especially the really important phrases, like Frühstück" (breakfast) and "Einkaufen" (shopping) and "Ach mein Gott, ist ihr haar in brand" (Oh my god, your hair is on fire!" ...<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:85%;">Music has suddenly become v. important part of my life for no good reason (although I do not own massive collections of CDs as I frequently lose the CD (but never the CASE!)). I listen to all kinds but country, and even some of that too ... I'm not too into the whole </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_matthews"><span style="font-size:85%;">Dave Matthews</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> kind of music (I always feel like he's on the verge of coughing), but everything else is pretty game (right now I'm listening to </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Glass"><span style="font-size:85%;">The Hours</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> CD, which is great if you are into string instruments (mostly piano) -- it has a very ambient quality to it, but is perhaps too powerful to be a film score.<br /><br />I'm lazy when it comes to calling people (I am much more email-oriented --the voice-box I've had to use since the tracheotomy freaks people out sometimes, jk, maybe), but you can buzz me if you want (my cell is [redacted]).<br /><br />cheers<br /><br />elvi slives</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_matthews"><span style="font-size:78%;">This man</span></a><span style="font-size:78%;"> is a douche. I don't know why I hate him, I just do.</span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-20562337048798269252009-08-31T15:22:00.004-04:002009-08-31T15:52:52.315-04:00This photo answers queries about what I did this weekend.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj55_Gh6kYBlLVnjEwjQKCDRoMCem1GcrjzGZwAY191HxH8nr63eNJhLwXZnKH5Jvhjo6aKtamCTx6vpY2TLZbfbz4Y6eW3cjmtWek5Oi4bGaoNhEk_4COk5F1fkxsbHwWx268MDqKqE1w/s1600-h/500x_carnival4083109.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376210527674365570" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 133px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj55_Gh6kYBlLVnjEwjQKCDRoMCem1GcrjzGZwAY191HxH8nr63eNJhLwXZnKH5Jvhjo6aKtamCTx6vpY2TLZbfbz4Y6eW3cjmtWek5Oi4bGaoNhEk_4COk5F1fkxsbHwWx268MDqKqE1w/s200/500x_carnival4083109.jpg" border="0" /></a>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-3026926154022740772009-08-28T12:11:00.006-04:002009-09-01T11:35:40.518-04:00Who is this person, and how did they get access to my email?!?!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Qb0122yjjGtnBuIRuXw5BqpIbLH2qvxRVgwmDB3y76LkuFB2Nqf39U7kN8HXO6X5tt10T-VCZ-3sOsJ5U7fRok7fQHPZqfWp3IX6BBZ-X9ZLNHoXh54gliHqgQnNu3vCd1tfzvBXik0/s1600-h/pollyanna1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375048863707339634" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 148px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Qb0122yjjGtnBuIRuXw5BqpIbLH2qvxRVgwmDB3y76LkuFB2Nqf39U7kN8HXO6X5tt10T-VCZ-3sOsJ5U7fRok7fQHPZqfWp3IX6BBZ-X9ZLNHoXh54gliHqgQnNu3vCd1tfzvBXik0/s200/pollyanna1.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: This is an email I sent to an old boss inviting her to have drinks with me. Surprisingly, she still went (against her better judgment, no doubt).]</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Tuesday, June 29, 2004 12:07 pm<br />To T-<br />Subject elvi slives<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><div><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">You are cordially invited to<br /><br />Lunch with elvi slives<br />Former Assistant to T- &<br />Event Planner Extraordinaire<br /><br />To discuss life, work, and the pursuit of the perfect diet<br /><br />RSVP to [redacted]<br /><br />This invitation is non-transferrable. </span></div>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-62966090845541393032009-08-28T11:19:00.009-04:002009-08-31T23:28:12.348-04:00He's so sweet I want to punch him.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4XiDtcXzQPJuCDKXGkwgaccT02ZwwZlg0nYWDzX4ZzS9O1kK5hBoZYiOCfn7-B_v_gMrdbWcS8tub-pgtsz5IWxRHUpgdpk5mXvtMl2poD9FAXFxWeLnpa4LFgwtS8OjGl4JKTCsw2t0/s1600-h/gay-hockey-is-gay.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375037733776189890" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 182px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4XiDtcXzQPJuCDKXGkwgaccT02ZwwZlg0nYWDzX4ZzS9O1kK5hBoZYiOCfn7-B_v_gMrdbWcS8tub-pgtsz5IWxRHUpgdpk5mXvtMl2poD9FAXFxWeLnpa4LFgwtS8OjGl4JKTCsw2t0/s200/gay-hockey-is-gay.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: Ah, the classic getting to know you email... Once <a href="http://facebook.com/">Facebook</a> got a hold of you, you were never the same.]</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Friday, April 11, 2003 10:33 am<br />To distribution<br />Subject Re: Getting to know your friends questionnaire<br /><br />1. What color are your kitchen plates? PLATES?!?!? I don't own no stinkin' plates!<br />2. What are you reading now? What A- and J- should be reading ... specifically </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_be_good"><span style="font-size:85%;">How to Be Good</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> by Nick Hornby. I've learned nothing yet. NOTHING!<br />3. What's on your mouse pad? It's black, and has a slot for putting pictures in. I keep the latest top ten list I'm working on in it.<br />4. Favorite board game? Board Games are what happens when a party runs out of beer. NEVER RUN OUT OF BEER!<br />5. Favorite magazine? Erm ... I don't know. OH! </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maxim_(magazine)"><span style="font-size:85%;">Maxim</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;">.<br />6. Favorite Smell? Clean clothes. That somebody else washed.<br />7. Least favorite Smell? Um, that would have to be the gas in my kitchen ... on a related note, does anyone know how to light a pilot light?<br />8. The first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Nap for 25 more minutes. Everyday. Seriously.</span><span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:85%;">9. Favorite color? Black. Until they discover a color that is darker. And then, that shade.<br />10. Least Favorite color? Too many to enummerate.<br />11. How many rings before you answer the phone? Assuming that the battery isn't dead. Assuming that the phone is actually on. Assuming that I haven't left it in the back of a cab. 4 rings -- but I'm only assuming.<br />12. Future child's name? Whoops and Nother-one.<br />13. What is most important? Three 24 hour drug stores within a five minute walk of your apartment. IN ANY DIRECTION!!!!!! (Except for the river, but I haven't looked yet)<br />14. Chocolate or Vanilla? Heavenly Hash ... where Chocolate meets Vanilla ... and they make sweet sweet love.<br />15. Do you like to drive fast? Urm, does L- like Old Navy? I think so!<br />16. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? George is not a stuffed animal -- he's just deanimated.<br />17. Storms - cool or scary? Depends -- if I'm drunk, then yes. Just kidding ... I'm always drunk!<br />18. What type was your first car? A tractor. But it was a John Deere, so that made it all good ...<br />19. If you could meet one person dead or alive who would it be? Alive. Seriously though, it depends. Would he worship me like a god? Then, Hugh Jackman.......................................sorry, was just thinking about what that would be like. On a related note, does anyone know Hugh Jackman?<br />20. Favorite alcoholic drink? I like pina coladas. And getting caught in the rain. I don't go for yoga, but I do like champagne.<br />21. What is your sign and birthday? Septemberish, 19-something or other. I'm twentyish. And a virgo. Which means I HATE YOU. Unless you're my friend. Then we cool.<br />22. Do you eat the stems of Broccoli? NO -- that would require me to actually eat broccoli. And that would be gross.<br />23. If you could have any job what would it be? Tough call. Professional Hockey player -- cause then I could play grabass with them without all the legal ramifications. Mmm, grabass.<br />24. If you could have any color hair, what would it be? Probably the color it is now -- I'd say blonde, but then </span><a href="http://media.entertainment.sky.com/image/unscaled/2008/2/28/Beyonce-Knowles-1654238.jpg"><span style="font-size:85%;">Beyonce</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> has helped me to discover that I would look like an idiot.<br />25. Is the glass half full or half empty? If there's liquor in it, probably all empty.<br />26. Favorite Movie? Mallrats. "I love the smell of commerce in the morning."<br />27. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? Of course. Do you pee with the door open? What kind of sick bastards write this stuff?<br />30. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey. Mmmm, grabass.<br />31. What is your single biggest fear? Living forever. I've been told that it won't happen, but that person also told me that I looked good in pink (really, what were you thinking, Mom?), so I don't know what to believe.<br />32. Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you. She's moving in with this really great girl! And she calls me when Old Navy puts out their new line of flip flops. That's friendship, people.<br />33. Person most likely to respond? Erm ... no one. I don't have that many friends.<br />34. Person you sent this to who is least likely to respond? I hate these questions ... didn't you just hear me? I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY FRIENDS! I nearly shit myself today when I got four emails ... but then I realized that three of them were from my good friends, Emil and Zargost, giving me directions on how I can become longer and harder to better satisfy my many womens. Did you hear that L-?? That's another perk about living with me!<br />35. Favorite CD? Right now it's Philip Glass' The Hours CD. BUt only because it was free, and my CD player at home refuses to play any others. DAMN FASCISTS! Now they make CD players. I should have known -- it has pics of Mussolini on the speakers.<br />36. Favorite TV. show? </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_Morning_Miami"><span style="font-size:85%;">Good Morning Miami</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;"> (I love Jake -- he's so sweet I want to punch him!)<br />37. Ketchup or mustard? Salsa. Of course.<br />38. Hamburgers or hot dogs? Yes, please.<br />39. Favorite soft drink? Cherry coke, Dr. Pepper, or root beer-- Diet [fill in name of new fad drink here]<br />40. The best place you have been? The 24 grocery SUPER store on 83rd and 1st -- I didn't know what to do, but I sure had fun (I bought circus peanuts and Diet Orange Crush -- AND I SCOFF AT THE IRONY OF IT ALL!)<br />41. What Screen Saver is on your computer right now? None. But I have a picture of </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4YGByEGLexLOu7iJANhm7Cy-ZoHlf3iBfmdrHsvoIlZrZ4fURjh_ZFul-_xXQsf8KK07fZjZ7AFrI5N8MvnIkmnBE0_kzlmss2hHZWsz5xgZRQ9-hFfLr3bJtJCepDf2lsHQVhrJfXgvt/s400/Helena+Bonham+Carter.jpg"><span style="font-size:85%;">Helena Bonham Carter smoking a cigarette</span></a><span style="font-size:85%;">. Because she's that cool.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: Mmm, grabass.</span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-17112916431753059982009-08-28T11:13:00.003-04:002009-08-31T23:37:08.369-04:00Remember when I used to get excited about things? Those were good times.<span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: This was an email I sent out the first day of work at a new job. I blame my childhood addiction to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Shirley">Anne Shirley</a> for the over exuberance -- luckily, it was later beaten out of me with a wire hanger (thanks, Mom!).] </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Monday, March 3, 2003 5:40 pm<br />To distribution<br />Subject RE: First Day of Silence ... Yip. EE!!!<br /><br />Dear All,<br /><br />As you may (or may not, if you are wont to ignore me when I speak) know, today was my first day at [redacted] -- and what a day! Everyone here is really nice, and they are all women -- which is weird, because you really don't notice it, until you go into the kitchen and notice the freakish amounts of tea, chocolate and diet soda (as well as various other treats) that are offered complimentary as part of working here. Dear [redacted], I think I love you.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:85%;">So, anyway, everyone was also very helpful without being overly so -- when I was looking for the staples, the president asked me if I needed any help! She's seems very approachable (and you know me, I love to APPROACH!), but I am waiting to decide -- you never can tell these days.<br /><br />I have my own office (if by office, you mean room that everyone calls my office where I am by myself that everyone walks through to get to the bathroom, then yes, MS. SEMANTICS, I DO have my own office), but there is lots of gibby-gabbing going on, so there's opportunities to be both independent and co-mingle with others. Plus, there are tons of couches throughout, so naptime's a breeze! Okay, not really -- we have to draw straws! Plus, my office has all the product samples in it -- could life get any better? I submit that it could not.<br /><br />A- (my boss) also sent me an invite to a tasting, which is very exciting, since I've never been to one before (M- and J- used to go at [redacted], and you don't usually do them for meetings, since most everyone knows what sandwich tastes like) ...<br /><br />So, if the first day is any indication, I think I will like it here!<br /><br />Talk to you soon!<br /><br />elvi slives</span></span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-36173472309507605472009-08-28T10:56:00.004-04:002009-08-31T23:44:15.669-04:00Wherein I list the reasons to (not) move to New York.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB0FBXSH2ljxpe7XhMvdZS_liMoLMGxb1GCzdex_HzTY-_7JVOEAEJ3fbmuuXGbW3XzZVOtIHD2gXUl63QhxKc7RMTzVHJKpLfOLG7Z0BMWPpG_SK16jSUv2aYxXt2Koeu4u3iJmjP3Vg/s1600-h/reese.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375029869508921298" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 158px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB0FBXSH2ljxpe7XhMvdZS_liMoLMGxb1GCzdex_HzTY-_7JVOEAEJ3fbmuuXGbW3XzZVOtIHD2gXUl63QhxKc7RMTzVHJKpLfOLG7Z0BMWPpG_SK16jSUv2aYxXt2Koeu4u3iJmjP3Vg/s200/reese.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: This email proves that what I like to do and what normal people like to do are not always the same thing. It is also probably why the New York Tourism Board still refuses to hire me.]</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Wednesday, February 26, 2003 12:42 pm<br />To B-<br />Subject Re: I don't know no stinkin' B-<br /><br />Dear Hooray!,<br /><br />Don't tease -- are you really thinking of moving to NY? I have to prepare you ... it is ass-out cold up here. Not cold like Buffalo, although to listen to some of these weaklings complain, you would this was Siberia ... "My feet are cold ..." Then wear closed-toed shoes, dumbasses! Seriously, though, it is nothing like LA (there's no sun, there's no decent beaches, 99% of all the citizens are skipping their court-ordered anger management sessions)... At all. It's still fun, though, and there is plenty of drinking. And pardon me for saying so, but you will be getting *ss up the ying yang (okay, that sounded better in my head). Because, compared to NYers, you are refreshingly unjaded, yet don't appear to be a complete dolt. Very important. I hate you (congratulations -- you just received your first act of misplaced rage. Soon you will join us in cursing old women who take too long on to get on the bus and popping small children's balloons with your cigarettes ... but don't get me started. Where did I put those rage pills?) ....<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span id="fullpost">AND IF YOU MOVE HERE ... you will also have to phase all colored clothing out of your wardrobe ... we only accept neutral tones, like taupe, ivory, ebony and nude. Not just black and white, kiddo. It's all about the shades of grey.<br /><br />BUT THERE ARE STUPID THINGS HERE ... like they want to make it so you can't smoke in bars ... I mean, that healthy thing is totally cute in LA, but in NY, where smoking is like the mother's milk that so many of us were brutally denied, it's just fascist. And there is now going to be a fine on cell phone use in public areas (like movies, etc.). Stupid Bloomberg. I hate all rich people -- until I become one. And then I will just hate most rich people.<br /><br />YOU COULD TOTALLY CRASH ON MY COUCH UNTIL YOU FIND AN APT ... but please let me know in advance, so I can buy a couch. Just kidding. Well, not really.<br /><br />And I was still thinking about moving to LA, but then I found this new job at XXX ... and I'm moving out of Queens ... so the things that I was having issues with are slowly starting ot resolve themselves ... oh, NY, I could never leave you ...<br /><br />So anyway, as of this Friday, I will no longer be at XXXX (although please be sure to keep me on your frequent spamming list ... always welcome at my home email) ...<br /><br />Talk to you soon ...<br /><br /></span>elvi slives<br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: In the end, B- opted not to move to New York. Was it something I said?</span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-13909654194563849232009-08-28T10:42:00.005-04:002009-09-01T11:37:17.713-04:00Queens was apparently always a sore subject for me.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2M3zicGMqQm9NTH-qoXMVVMdJmlv8QPfSVLvzKELNDrZYZVZH8xwK25NSB7Azf2peuyDjb_mUuur2oBnc_0iFNxSx9qWj3ZO-Y8MB8rlUxLxZ0XeRjPQrcSIWcWUOTTzgdxc-PuLPuc/s1600-h/valais-snow-hiking.jpg"><span style="font-size:85%;"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375026857399013906" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 130px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO2M3zicGMqQm9NTH-qoXMVVMdJmlv8QPfSVLvzKELNDrZYZVZH8xwK25NSB7Azf2peuyDjb_mUuur2oBnc_0iFNxSx9qWj3ZO-Y8MB8rlUxLxZ0XeRjPQrcSIWcWUOTTzgdxc-PuLPuc/s200/valais-snow-hiking.jpg" border="0" /></span></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: This is an email I sent to a friend about shopping. And my hatred of snow. And Queens. In that order.]</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Friday, February 7, 2003 11:39 am<br />To L-<br />Subject Dear Suckley McSuck<br /><br />Shopping was great ... even as we speak I am sitting in a lovely pair of pants that match an awesome jacket that I've had forever but rarely worn because I did not, at that time, own a bottom set that matched it so perfectly as these pants that I am, once again, currently wearing in preparation for an interview. I also have a pair of high heels, perhaps not worn by the inhabitants of the artic as they attempt to scale large, snow-laden mountains or the west side, which apparently no one felt the need to shovel since it was obviously more fun to watch a girl in a new pair of pants making furtive deals with whatever god was listening to not let her rip her fabulous pants on the icey sidewalks. And don't EVEN get me started on Queens.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:85%;">Also, you'll be happy to know that I have NO problem kicking people in the shins -- as a matter of fact, I just kneed some old lady in the groin, and it wasn't even for a furby. That bitch tried to steal a seat from me on the train -- you HAVE a cane, Lady, LEAN ON IT!<br /><br />Could life get any better? I submit that it could not.<br /><br />Cheers,<br /><br />elvi slives</span><br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: MPD can be a bit treacherous when it snows. Be sure to wear snowboots. </span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-84402528491600723322009-08-27T17:20:00.006-04:002009-09-01T11:40:52.290-04:00I am actually still friends with this person, indicating he probably never received this missive.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4_qpsumC5-uRG28pF2P6yN47VMMGXBCPokI3orc3YHrK1tJbvB1YhrT8SXjwITd3V-OVa07HeuoMjOQ4F7IV4KAUQXWroGnYfeBX79a2a6B0KjnBSTu1RRdxFOSfcI7OB_YBHfr2g78s/s1600-h/untitled.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374757805671266370" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 166px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4_qpsumC5-uRG28pF2P6yN47VMMGXBCPokI3orc3YHrK1tJbvB1YhrT8SXjwITd3V-OVa07HeuoMjOQ4F7IV4KAUQXWroGnYfeBX79a2a6B0KjnBSTu1RRdxFOSfcI7OB_YBHfr2g78s/s200/untitled.bmp" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: I shot this little "hi, howareya" gem to one of my ex-pat (at the time) buddies. Reading this makes me think I should start being nicer to my friends. Maybe.]</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Thursday, March 28, 2002 10:43 am<br />To J- </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Subject Re: What the f*ck?!?!<br /><br />Hey J-<br /><br />I hope this gets to you -- although I am fairly confident that, even if it doesn't, it will get to someone like you (due to the highly irregular email). Speaking of which, you should go to scrotum.com as they give out free email addresses. W- and I went to a comedy performance last night (they were doing a draw) and one of the winners email address was jesussaves@scrotum.com. It doesn't get much better than that. I don't know how it could.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost" style="font-size:85%;">Moving on, how is (fill in name of current country of residence here)? I hear that you are teaching 3rd graders--I am so sorry to have to miss that. Those poor children are probably totally unaware of the fact that there bigger difference between count and c*nt than one letter can justify. Just remember--children are not to be toyed with. They are to be beaten severely.<br /><br />We all miss you terribly -- and when I say all, I mean A-. She pretty much does the brunt of that emotional feelings thing. We've not yet returned to Indian -- it's just not the same without you--we no longer have to wait forty minutes to eat cause you're late--but W- and I were thinking that we would have a little "wake" for you next week. Crying (or laughing, it's all the same to me) into bottles of Alize or some other sort of flavored liqueur, reminiscing about the old days when you weren't so mature as you are now (which, really, I think a lot of people have a hard time believing that you could be less mature) et cetera, et cetera.<br /><br />If you came home (and no one would think less of you--I mean, really, how could they?) we could all go together. I'm just saying ...<br /><br />Talk to you soon (and when I say soon, I mean in a year or so).<br /><br />elvi slives<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: J- and I once drank an entire bottle of Alize and half a bottle of vodka, then took a bus to Williamsburg. Because that's how drunk you have to be to go to Williamsburg.</span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-29430929377618828332009-08-27T16:56:00.007-04:002009-09-01T11:42:10.024-04:00In which I discover the benefit of anti-lock brakes.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3Ihz7GlIOetTES5JZDz2p1xbh5oI9ZI03LVJLXZcgLTv0k0w5eD6c4a-Au080n8YB8j30oJ8cp6wAv8R4C9OaJs1_6lcGcI5MZipIbi_ttT1uTttEjLQJbd__KvAdolWdZXcUk79J3w/s1600-h/courting)2.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374753135718927282" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 127px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn3Ihz7GlIOetTES5JZDz2p1xbh5oI9ZI03LVJLXZcgLTv0k0w5eD6c4a-Au080n8YB8j30oJ8cp6wAv8R4C9OaJs1_6lcGcI5MZipIbi_ttT1uTttEjLQJbd__KvAdolWdZXcUk79J3w/s200/courting)2.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: God I hated living in Buffalo. Reasons are listed below.]</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Wednesday, December 26, 2001 10:02 pm<br />To XXXX<br />Subject Re: Yet more changes...<br /><br />Dear L-<br /><br />Dear lord, we have gotten like another foot of snow since last we spoke (THIS AFTERNOON)! And it has NOT STOPPED! I f*cking hate Buffalo and all these stupid little bastards with all-wheel drive who honk at me because my car can't shift from the wheels that slip to the wheels that grip. On the positive side, doing a full 360' on black ice on an abandoned country road at 2 am in the morning is easier than you think. I am, how you say? Lucky.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost" style="font-size:85%;">On a negative note, it is getting to be a little like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shining_(novel)">The Shining</a> around here. I think that I have been outside of the house a grand total of 6 hrs since I arrived (INCLUDING CHRISTMAS AT MY NAN'S! Don't ask, it wasn't pretty). Last night I found myself silently whispering redrum, redrum while I watched only the second <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_&_Order">L&O</a> of the day (can you imagine? Here it is only on twice?!?!?! Oh, the horror!)<br /><br />Okay, enough about me. J- sent me an email asking me to come, which I now plan on doing until otherwise notified. Is there anything that you want me to bring you from here or NY before I make the trip down? My flight (supposedly) gets in around 7 am, then I am going to head straight to the train station, where I will proceed directly to J-'s part of [redacted] (a location to be determined at a later date).<br /><br />See ya then (thanks for the undies!).<br /><br />elvi slives<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: Nobody puts Lenny in the corner.</span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-70307334986061227822009-08-27T16:45:00.008-04:002009-09-01T11:44:41.385-04:00Wherein I sexually harass (& solicit job advice) from someone I've not yet met.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5pFgpj1FPELewN2V2yijW71HXcvP1a1S9qb1zeurwqgZ47_TKWKzyvf-51cvkqEzyByFgJMJHjfr4mulxW43_vieo5myVejCDWay1MzSbvwvtjkxjfu23hp2qv9yUJgtt6K_cykZUP8/s1600-h/speedos.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374748664432235010" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 147px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB5pFgpj1FPELewN2V2yijW71HXcvP1a1S9qb1zeurwqgZ47_TKWKzyvf-51cvkqEzyByFgJMJHjfr4mulxW43_vieo5myVejCDWay1MzSbvwvtjkxjfu23hp2qv9yUJgtt6K_cykZUP8/s200/speedos.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: I sent this to a guy I seriously never had met (and never did, I believe). I honestly don't even remember why we were sharing a room? Apparently, I was a lot less prudey than I am now. Not bloody likely.]</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Wednesday, November 14, 2001 7:05 pm<br />To XXXX<br />Subject Frend o' A-'s<br /><br />Hey K-<br /><br />Hear we'll be rooming together in Atlantic City -- be sure to bring your speedos and your ear plugs ... you'll need them ;)!</span><span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><br />Do you know what a holistic financial planner (or consultant) is? I am going on an interview for one, and I would like to know what kind of qualifications I should lie and say I have.<br /><br />Thanks! </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />elvi slives</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: Sadly, K- opted not to go to Atlantic City after all. Luckily I met this guy, and we bonded over our mutual love of handle bar mustaches, spandex and Jesus Christ. </span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-2861912036885873262009-08-27T15:58:00.010-04:002009-08-27T16:28:10.382-04:00Goo Goo for Gaga<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZVHKQ-ZJ-_Ul9oxzJKv4_InnFgg5bM5WFnvXwgFIGhTqm4exPXyqhf1sTnkPoH0xtQA5DRINtkEmgn3i9YH9I13oTzT3hs8yerwVB2Kz0IHA2eioXG7O-2EKgc0H4XeLON1usmBLXaBg/s1600-h/untitled.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374737504059007810" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZVHKQ-ZJ-_Ul9oxzJKv4_InnFgg5bM5WFnvXwgFIGhTqm4exPXyqhf1sTnkPoH0xtQA5DRINtkEmgn3i9YH9I13oTzT3hs8yerwVB2Kz0IHA2eioXG7O-2EKgc0H4XeLON1usmBLXaBg/s200/untitled.bmp" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-size:85%;">Anyone who knows me knows I dearly adore Lady Gaga. I've decided to list the reasons for your review/amusement/disdain: </span><br /><br /><ol><li><span style="font-size:85%;">I. Want. A. <a href="http://leannpeterson.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/lady_gaga_hair_bow_c.jpg">Minnie. Mouse. Bow. Made out of my own hair</a>. I do. I need it. Less than I need oxygen perhaps, but more than I need access to basic cable. And that is a lot. </span></li><br /><li><span id="fullpost"> <span style="font-size:85%;">In her defense, if I had her body, I would also wear those <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_c2eHHmBm_pY/SmaiCsvvhFI/AAAAAAAAGBw/7Ndbl7tJqaQ/s800/Lady-GaGa-Kermit-the-Frog.jpg">same outfits</a>. And perhaps something tighter and sluttier. I would have chosen a different profession though – but since <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scores_(strip_club)">Scores</a> closed, this may have been her only other option. </span></li><br /><li><span style="font-size:85%;">Because I NEVER NEVER NEVER thought I would say “She’s like <a href="http://music.sympatico.msn.ca/images/Feeds/PhotoGallery/PHOTO_GALLERY-MUSICBADHAIR/7.jpg">Christina Aguilera</a>. But crazy. And dirtier.” It didn’t seem like it could happen. But Gaga makes Aguilera look like … Wait, has anyone even seen Aguilera lately??!?!! I’m beginning to forget what she even looks like…</span></li><br /><li><span style="font-size:85%;">See #2 about her body applies triply to <a href="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/15683565/Lady+GaGa+LG+The+Fame+Promo+2008.jpg">her legs</a>. They are AWESOME. I want her to write down every exercise she does and food she eats so that I can copy it exactly. Also, her gene sequencing if anyone has that information handy. </span></li><br /><li><span style="font-size:85%;">When you watch old videos, you often see trends that you’re like, “what the hell were you thinking, <a href="http://song.fourcolorexplosion.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/6a00d8345219b769e200e54f4cb7d78834-640wi.jpg">Every Single Member of the Bangles</a>?!?!!” It’s fun to watch one of those trends happening in in real time with Gaga and her entire wardrobe.</li></ol></span></span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: This is the image I found when googling Lady Gaga hair bow. I love you, </span><a href="http://www.google.com/support/websearch/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=35892"><span style="font-size:78%;">Moderate Safe Search</span></a><span style="font-size:78%;">.</span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-39682093613262542802009-08-25T17:25:00.007-04:002009-09-01T12:09:23.418-04:00Sometimes my pride likes to bite me in the ass. Just to remind me that it is still there.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivV2kQ_WLVJqKiCQrvv_U4evpL0H8IEy8RZVl3b6JfwWbFyEAi00yG5iIU663KUMO4FmJopdRD1sDi9xbt3FJPNhrl4pcDM_wV0ZqqVXZ0PeCyWYRXdLXZUcDIC7SWRSc5nGBS5wMKM0M/s1600-h/COLA+CHAMPAGNE.jpg"><span style="font-size:85%;"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374300484003259186" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 134px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivV2kQ_WLVJqKiCQrvv_U4evpL0H8IEy8RZVl3b6JfwWbFyEAi00yG5iIU663KUMO4FmJopdRD1sDi9xbt3FJPNhrl4pcDM_wV0ZqqVXZ0PeCyWYRXdLXZUcDIC7SWRSc5nGBS5wMKM0M/s200/COLA+CHAMPAGNE.jpg" border="0" /></span></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: Another email to H-, where I regale him with the perils of being poor (and stupid) in the city.] </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Friday, September 7, 2001 2:57 pm<br />To "H-"<br />Subject Re: New Address!<br />Dear H-,<br /><br />Not word one about what it is like to live in a completely different country. I am very interested (well, very and interested are strong words) to hear about the things that you do now that you don't have pesky bitches like me to annoy. V. interested indeed. </span><span id="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Not that I don't want to send you anything (although I am not sure that what I would send you would make it through customs anyway) but I am poor ass broke. I couldn't afford the stamps on any kind of letter that I must send, not to mention that I don't have anything interesting to say since I don't have a job and have been relegated to the position of having to drag my ass out of bed at 2 pm in the morning to look for jobs at a nearby (for now) computer lab. Sound familiar? Why, why did I do this to myself, you ask? Because I am mainly an idiot. I prefer unemployment to the slap of being demoted back down to intern at [Redacted](the place where I used to work). Sometimes my pride likes to bite me in the ass. Just to remind me that it is still there.<br /><br />I unfortunately will not be taking the place in Crown Heights, as when we asked a cop on the street where exactly we were, he said (and I quote) "in the crotch of hell." Not such a nice neighborhood.<br /><br />Now I am looking at a loft in XXX, the "made" part of XXX, no less. When the super was telling us about the apartment (after he picked us up in his humvee and told us he was moving out the place because he just bought a house on the "shore") he mentioned that the person who owned the building across the street was, you know (rubbing his nose -- I didn't know what he meant at first, I thought he meant they were allergic to cats??? But then N- explained).... I didn't mind that so much, but had to admit that I was slightly freaked out by that the walls of the apartment were soundproofed. Also, the carpeting was kind of a light off-white color, and when N- asked him how he got stains out of it he just kind of laughed, and said, "it's easier than you think." I was soo freaked, but the apartment is gorgeous--and let's face it, I would rather have the mafia as neighbors than crackheads. At least they know how to clean up when they are done.<br /><br />I heard that you like champagne cola too (L- brought me back some from the bahamas after she heard I liked it) and now I am having a hard time finding it. Where? Where in Manhattan (below 125th Street) do they sell that blessed elixir? I await your answer with bated breath.<br /><br />That is all for now. You may go.<br /><br />love,<br /><br />elvi slives<br /></span><br /><br /><br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"></span><span id="fullpost"></span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-44283706191516303102009-08-25T17:15:00.007-04:002009-09-01T12:06:27.630-04:00In Which I Write a Paragraph Containing One Period Per Four Parentheses.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmpzSRx7Urv-HSqlyjQh4e_c03MSRJRE-tT8zZcy6srXybfsrLYZnmFODqcSc38xx78dAVoC9mgfN1Eisnf7YkL-v6inm4UO_4tx7ouafqgylrBDtd8mBDK7mM6kdUQtlQuT_Dyva1KEg/s1600-h/Coke_vs_Pepsi_josè_campoy.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374014744034185346" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 151px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmpzSRx7Urv-HSqlyjQh4e_c03MSRJRE-tT8zZcy6srXybfsrLYZnmFODqcSc38xx78dAVoC9mgfN1Eisnf7YkL-v6inm4UO_4tx7ouafqgylrBDtd8mBDK7mM6kdUQtlQuT_Dyva1KEg/s200/Coke_vs_Pepsi_jos%25C3%25A8_campoy.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: A continuation on a theme, here is another email to H-, explaining the Pepsi/Coca Cola economy paradox and demonstrating that my source citing skills were always questionable ... ] </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Wednesday, August 29, 2001 9:50 am<br />To "H-"<br />Subject Moving sucks ... much like Mongolian soda<br />Dear H-<br /><br />It sounds like you are having a blast there--don't worry about the [limited food] availability thing though, as it happens even in this great city. I have lived here in NYC without lemonheads for about two years now, and it does not look like there will be any in my near future, either.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost" style="font-size:85%;">How did I screw up the East Village apartment? I didn't assert my squatter's rights. Actually, the lease is only until October, and then it is G-H-E-T-T-O time. That's right. I as well will live off of Franklin Avenue on Union Street, running home every night, throwing my bookbag over fences and then leaping them in single bounds like that small boy in the "We hear ya. Keep running." commercial. Finally, I will succumb to the crack dealers and start doing trix to support my habit until the day that the little green leprecaun tries to steal my stash and I knife him in a bitter rage ... oh, wait. I am getting my commercials mixed up again.<br /><br />Anyway, here's something that I think that you might find funny. There was actually a man (and I am totally not making this up, Prof. G- in the Sociology dept. told me this, so the burden of proof is on him--lately I have been feeling the need to prove that I don't lie ALL the time, which is hard because I generally DO lie most (okay, ALL) the time) who wrote his thesis (or maybe it was a television show, I don't remember, his classes were at like 9 am in the morning and I had a hard time just remembering to stay awake, let alone pay attention) (do you like how this is still the same sentence and I still have not gotten to a point--hate to warn you, it is nowhere in the near future either) on a comparison of money economies and their relation to the soda industry- -for instance, Coca Cola went to China, Pepsi went to Russia--and the ensuing success or failure of that new economy. He said that it can all be blamed on the Soda--namely that Pepsi is a jinx. I would have to agree, and point out that this theory works on a smaller scale, as Niagara Falls (New York, that is) has a Pepsi bottling center and has been a rapidly declining city (and I use that term loosely--if two more people die, its back to township she goes) for years now whereas Atlanta is thriving (at least in comparison) and it is the center of Coca Cola bottling. Coincidence? I am sure the Russians don't think so.<br /><br />Okay, now that I have bored you to death (and all without approaching a point of any kind), I am going to let you get back to what ever it is that you do for fun there -- by the by, what is it that you do?<br /><br />love,<br /><br />elvi slives<br /><br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost" style="font-size:85%;"></span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-67447637880980486782009-08-25T17:02:00.007-04:002009-09-01T11:52:08.108-04:00Wherein I Discover the International Appeal of the Snickers Bar.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_jcAAXqqaeHEFv_gvkBjo7W-BFDX5SpSzvs4dHJ5VJ0fo3fELNmzHBGGtxzEs6h_w1yy6_2v8W6gw688fif5SkSta9qOVlB7Gek1-B5PmQp3OfiUQn23IctUUG1_5wEKfwGiYRoVeRk/s1600-h/snickers.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374012361219827314" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 176px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 200px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr_jcAAXqqaeHEFv_gvkBjo7W-BFDX5SpSzvs4dHJ5VJ0fo3fELNmzHBGGtxzEs6h_w1yy6_2v8W6gw688fif5SkSta9qOVlB7Gek1-B5PmQp3OfiUQn23IctUUG1_5wEKfwGiYRoVeRk/s200/snickers.jpg" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;">Hello again, all. I'm sorry I've been away for so long, but truth is, I've been completely uninspired to write anything. Mainly because I've been too busy watching the variety of behavioral disorder shows on A&E (holy shit <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessed_(TV_series)">Obsessed</a> is awesome! You could say I was <em>obsessed</em> with it. But then you'd be a douche). Anyway, I did want to get in the habit of putting something up, and stumbled across a few old emails that I thought were funny (hopefully, out of context, as I'm too lazy to remember the main plot behind most of them). Hope you enjoy them.<br /></span> <span id="fullpost"><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">[Ed. Note: After college, several of my friends left the country in search of jobs and lower rent. H- was one of them.] </span><div><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></div><div><span style="font-size:85%;">From elvi slives<br />Sent Tuesday, August 28, 2001 10:28 am<br />To "H-" <br />Subject Yakkety, Yak! (But do they talk back?)<br />Dear H-:<br /><br />I think that we may have already had this conversation before, but Canada is in one of the Americas. It is right above the US. Nevermind.<br /><br />Anyway, just to let you know, there is not one week that goes by that I don't ask the Mulberry crew where you are. Then they remind me that you moved to Mongolia, and we all laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh<br />(but not at you).<br /><br />I am currently still homeless, but I think that my luck may change in the near future. I am looking at a house in Brooklyn (by the museum no less) that is fantastic and super cheap! Well, not super, but cheap enough. I also still don't have a job, and my one here ends on Friday. But I am not panicking yet -- not until the bill collectors<br />come a'banging. Then I might have to do something drastic--like move back to S-- (it's a lot like Mongolia with the animals and stuff, only less cilivized).<br /><br />Yar, yar, yar--sounds like everything in Mongolia is great! I think they sell those snickers bars here in America too! And all this time, I thought that they were an American thing .... Who knew that I enjoyed ethnic treats?<br /><br />How did the cab driver cheat you out of a $100? Was it American or Mongolian? Do you have his address? I just happen to know a couple of ex-KBG officers who are looking for part-time gigs in that area ...<br /><br />Did you notice that I managed to go this entire email without making one snide comment? Weird, huh?<br /><br />All right, I have to go pretend to be productive now. Say hi to everyone for me!<br /><br />love,<br /><br />elvi slives</div></span></span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-61521611402795003502008-10-10T21:05:00.018-04:002008-10-12T12:11:38.938-04:00Paulson regrets that time he watched "I Love New York" instead of finishing "Finance Regulation for Dummies"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgADWYOre0Vi7eHMu6A4V22hyklmPzr-Yg4YOTweAxwz6h1yXpXt0tahWpRxtMVIV2oS5uZjMkk7UyTvzqjuwLVJ35-fr9f2-cQ-zB4WNEDlo4gHvmGbmSJVzIHmFJKp24-ur6cW-CLtQs/s1600-h/2924379902_4eeca2a430_o.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255712731985343602" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; CURSOR: pointer" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgADWYOre0Vi7eHMu6A4V22hyklmPzr-Yg4YOTweAxwz6h1yXpXt0tahWpRxtMVIV2oS5uZjMkk7UyTvzqjuwLVJ35-fr9f2-cQ-zB4WNEDlo4gHvmGbmSJVzIHmFJKp24-ur6cW-CLtQs/s200/2924379902_4eeca2a430_o.jpg" border="0" /></a>If you're like me and keep all of your money in the cash registers of area nail and threading salons, then you're not exactly sure what all the hullabaloo on Wall Street is. Allow me to shed some light on the situation: We. Are. In. Financial. Apocalypse.<br /><span id="fullpost"><br />Perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit (<a href="http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article6256.html">I'm not</a>), and it's not *THE* worst economic environments we've seen in decades (<a href="http://money.cnn.com/2008/10/10/news/economy/g7_statement/index.htm">it is</a>) that will force world leaders to close down their markets to re-write the rules of international finance (<a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aP5mpMUORBWM">already working on it</a>). Let's just pretend for a moment that I'm not overreacting -- how does something like this happen? I once got into an argument with an anarchist who said that we didn't need laws because people are naturally inclined to "do the right thing." To punctuate his point, he pulled out a pocket knife and said that I should stab him to prove him wrong. I didn't, but I like to think that eventually some other bored party-goer did, if only to shut him up. Because, at the end of the day, we very rarely do things because they are the "right" thing to do -- more often, we do them because they are the "non-illegal" things to do. Amsterdam has made a killing in tourism based entirely on this theory.<br /><br />Being an event planner has taught me that, without rules and the means by which to enforce them, lawlessness abounds. It has also taught me that a 90-lb woman will jab a 300-lb bouncer in the foot with her stiletto for $30 worth of cosmetics. So, even as we all feign moral indignation at Fuld's reckless acts at Lehman Brothers, it's hard to believe that, given the chance, there aren't others would wouldn't risk destabilizing an entire financial market and </span><span id="fullpost"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/06/lehmans-richard-fuld-punc_n_132360.html">a punch in the face whilst on the treadmill</a> to net $500 million. Sure, *most* people wouldn't, but Greyhound learned earlier this year, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Tim_McLean">just because *most* people wouldn't kill a complete stranger, doesn't mean one person wouldn't</a>. And while there are plenty of us that wish someone had beheaded Fuld, violence is not the answer. At least, not yet. No, what we need to do is pay more attention to who we put in charge of our money <a href="http://www.economist.com/research/articlesBySubject/displaystory.cfm?subjectid=348936&story_id=12373748">and what they are doing with it</a>. Because, as nice as it is to believe that people will ultimately "do the right thing," Spike Lee has taught us and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radio_raheem">Radio Raheem</a> that that is not always the case.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">PHOTO: <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133093/">This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.</a> </span><span style="font-size:85%;">However, I can tell you that the blue one significantly decreases your chances of ever hearing the phrase "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_palin">you betcha</a>" again. Choose wisely. </span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-51123778900068169432008-08-21T17:21:00.004-04:002008-08-21T17:33:21.125-04:00Even I Don't Read My Blog. And That Has Cost Me Dearly.<a href="http://www.dmsmac.com/xnews/images/piggy%20bank.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.dmsmac.com/xnews/images/piggy%20bank.jpg" border="0" /></a>If you're a fan of the Boredom Blog, you may remember this <a href="http://erinsboredomblog.blogspot.com/2007/07/bank-of-america-to-add-ass-rape-to-its.html">little humdinger of a post</a> where I mention that Bank of America is now charging a three-dollar ATM fee for non-customers. Hmm, what's that you say? You don't remember? Um, yeah, me either, because in a fit of desperation (I was wearing heels!) last weekend, I totally made the mistake of using one of their machines. That coupled with my bank's "convenience fee" (read: "Sucka! I can't believe you just paid me to do NOTHING!"), means I paid a $4.50 surcharge just to get enough cash to get a cab home from midtown (and before you snark, it was like 2:30 AM, the trains were all wonky, and I live in Brooklyn, for god sakes. Have a heart!). Adding to the list yet another reason why <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suze_orman">Suze Orman</a> won't return my calls.Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-82729160089923746112008-08-21T14:10:00.013-04:002008-12-09T17:11:02.874-05:00I Wish Someone Would Do Something About How Fat I Am*<a href="http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/10/05/jolie_wideweb__470x329,0.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2007/10/05/jolie_wideweb__470x329,0.jpg" border="0" /></a>Okay, a few days ago I wrote a <a href="http://erinsboredomblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/please-stop-assuming-that-i-have-drug.html">platitude-laden blog</a> about how my current weight-loss plateau has helped me to re-evaluate my definition of weight-loss success. Desperation has since caused me to re-re-evaluate the situation and deem that seemingly noble sentiment complete and utter bullshit. <span id="fullpost">Because after 21+ days, all I* DO* care about right now is the fact that my scale appears to be a capricious asshole who takes delight in taunting me with my non-progress.<br /><br /><div><p>As I’ve previously asserted, I am truly a scientist at heart (admittedly though, less of an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_einstein">Albert Einstein</a> and more of an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L_Ron_Hubbard">L. Ron Hubbard</a>), and as such, have taken pains to thoroughly research possible solutions to this crisis (read: I’ve Googled the term “weight-loss plateau” incessantly over the past few weeks). The challenge is, every website says the same thing – Increase your caloric intake. Increase your activity level. Decrease your reliance on the scale as an indicator of success. All of which I’ve done. And, still…. NOTHING! I am just as scale-disadvantaged as I was a fortnight and a half ago!</p><p><span style="font-size:100%;">While I’ve tried to appease myself with alternative metrics (like the fact that my once aspirational “skinny pants” are now loose on me, or that I’m able to work out for incredibly long periods without tiring), I can’t help but feel that it’s utter bullshit. Because my goal when I started wasn’t “Be able to wear </span><a href="http://pic.phyrefile.com/j/ja/jayhawk/2008/04/06/zubaz.jpg"><span style="font-size:100%;">outdated pants</span></a><span style="font-size:100%;"> that reek of mothballs and desperation” or “Ellipticate (It’s a word. Look it up. Make sure you use </span><a href="http://erinsboredomblog.blogspot.com/2008/08/word-of-day-ellipticate.html"><span style="font-size:100%;">my dictionary</span></a><span style="font-size:100%;">) ad nauseam, ad infinitum.” My goal was to have a kick-ass body like Britney’s. You know, </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGKlUFX5Cwvj8dUOU1QTIRlfhsuZrjWaSZpiESpKEsp-DUNxF8ALmZYs0erVjuO3Nixm4ylvKQ2YPNkjEO6Mxqaatm76n30irYSHoEYlKveBS5sHQAlWeHSsgoyAnotEMByScc8jd-wA/s1600-h/britney_spears_picture_122.jpg"><span style="font-size:100%;">before the babies</span></a><span style="font-size:100%;">. But even that b*tch is on the front page of OK! touting her rapid weight-loss success, proving that even an overexposed underdeveloped tartlet who is an epic FAIL at almost everything not involving hip gyrations or pedophiliac allusions can do it. And now my resolve is fading faster than </span><a href="http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0721081rickross1.html"><span style="font-size:100%;">Rick Ross’s street cred</span></a><span style="font-size:100%;"> (Although kudos to him on the perfect attendance reward. It has to be hard to prison guard every night when <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SUtW3rOkz4">everyday you’re hustling</a>).<br /><br />So I implore you dear reader, what can I do to bust out of this dreaded plateau? Eating disorders are out of question. After all, I want to lose weight, not end up being played by </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raven-Symoné"><span style="font-size:100%;">Raven Symoné</span></a><span style="font-size:100%;"> (I know, I questioned the casting decision too) in a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Similarly, celebrity diets are also not going to work because I a) Don’t have a gazillion dollars to “invest” in my ass and b) if I did, I would probably just buy </span><a href="http://images.askmen.com/galleries/actress/eva-mendes/pictures/eva-mendes-picture-2.jpg"><span style="font-size:100%;">Eva Mendez</span></a><span style="font-size:100%;"> and make her impersonate me (What?!?! I saw her in the clearance aisle at Costco, so I just assumed). So please post your helpful suggestions in Comments. All mean/snarky comments can be directed to your mother’s answering machine, because she’s probably the reason you’re so bitter anyway. </span></span></p></div><p><span style="font-size:78%;">*Yes, I steal content. But I make it better by properly inserting it into topic, no?</span> </span></p></span><p><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: If you're going to cast someone as me in a movie, may I make a </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angelina_jolie"><span style="font-size:78%;">humble suggestion</span></a><span style="font-size:78%;">? Because this is the exact face I make every morning when pondering breakfast selections. Or why it is that <a href="http://bighandsome.com/2008/08/12/handsome-observation-worst-protest-ever/">black face is still so taboo</a>.<br /></span></p>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-31972590906152741512008-08-21T14:06:00.002-04:002008-08-21T14:09:56.131-04:00Word of the Day: Ellipticate<b>Main Entry:</b> Ellipticate<br /><strong>Function:</strong> verb<br /><strong>intransitive verb1 a:</strong> To use the elliptical machine; <em>specifically:</em> to move both feet in opposing directions in a running motion on a machine specifically designed to minimize impact. <strong>b:</strong> To abandon high-impact activities (e.g. running, etc.) for a lower-impact workout.<br /><br /><strong>EX:</strong><br /><strong>a:</strong> I ellipicated at the gym for over 2 hours yesterday.<br /><strong>b:</strong> After I pulled that last hammy, my doctor suggested I ellipticate my current routine.Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-56886675305589243782008-08-18T18:49:00.006-04:002008-08-18T20:11:19.131-04:00Please Stop Assuming that I Have a Drug Problem.If you're my friend, you may have recently noticed that I dropped a few pounds. Ninety, to be exact. It's been a slow, steady process fraught (I've been waiting all week to use that word) with challenges, but I've persevered. Until recently.<br /><span id="fullpost"><p>The thing is, I hit a giant brick wall a few weeks ago. It's odd -- on the surface, it was made up of seemingly small things -- the backhanded compliments I had received from friends ("Seriously, are you on coke?"), the hopefully broken Taylor scale (which despite my best efforts, has refused to budget from 178), the excess skin on my now-deflated breasts. Taken individually, they would have been manageable, but collectively, they felt insurmountable. <p>And just when I started to feel sorry (and angry) at myself for failing once again, I did what any good scientist (or bullshit artist) would do -- I reassessed my metrics. My weight might be fixed, but I've dropped over 5% body fat in the last month alone. I just signed up for a introduction to ballet workshop, something that I would have never had the courage to do in the past. And shopping has regained its rightful place as my preferred lunchtime activity. For everything I've sacrificed, I've gained something new -- maybe not what I was expecting, or even hoping for, but more often, something better -- something I didn't even realize I was missing.<br /><br />Maybe this then is the key to weight loss success -- the moment you realize that it is about so much more than a number on a scale. It's the sense of accomplishment that is instantly recognizable by everyone I see. The feeling that I CAN do anything that I set my mind to; I can succeed where so many others have failed, I can climb Mount Everest without freezing to death. I've come so far, to not finish now would be insanity.<br /><br />So I will continue to demure when you inquire as to my drug of choice (after all, every good bad girl needs some sort of bad habit, even if only imagined), research (healthy) ways to ramp up my cardio, and start saving up for a breast lift. Because, as tough as it has been, it's still a hundred times better than the alternative.</span></p>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2288744730586607597.post-12011371987463222592008-03-15T17:05:00.008-04:002008-03-15T21:08:46.728-04:00In my house, wine glasses outnumber cooking utensils three-to-one.<a href="http://www.randygarcia.com/uploaded_images/Circus-Peanuts-loose-unwra-copy-786712.JPG"><img style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="http://www.randygarcia.com/uploaded_images/Circus-Peanuts-loose-unwra-copy-786712.JPG" border="0" /></a>My microwave broke recently (it happened during the Oscars this year -- one can only imagine it was in protest of <a href="http://fabsugar.com/1072797">Marion Cotillard's dress</a>). Sadly, with it went my one real desire to be a part of the cooking world (I hear your ponderances on why I just didn't buy a new one and I dismiss them. Please stop questioning my blog logic), which derived almost entirely from that machine (and those wonderful labels that companies spend so much time preparing for the packaging. Yes, I'm NOT ashamed to admit I'm the reason they put cooking directions on chicken). <span id="fullpost"><p>I've always had a natural aversion to using stoves, which I think has to do with a batch of spearmint taffy that I made once as a child that went horribly awry. I learned three things that day: 1) You can never substitute dark corn syrup for light corn syrup; 2) When they say a drop of spearmint flavor, it is not a typo; and 3) when you make a batch of taffy that goes horribly awry, don't put it in a tupperware container and hide it under the kitchen sink. I also grew up in a town where Pizza Hut was THE place to go for Italian, and going to Olive Garden meant that you were getting engaged (or at least, asked to move into his trailer). Because of this, I never really developed a refined palate, or even a desire to eat anything that doesn't come with safety packaging. <p>All of this probably wouldn't be a problem if I didn't live in New York City, where being a foodie is de rigeur and almost every neighborhood is a veritable orgasm of foodstuffs. I had hoped that when I moved here that I would become more discerning, but the fact remains, I *STILL* cannot taste the coriander in your soup, I continue to be uncertain of what kale looks like, and I remain baffled by how anyone can buy vegetables when manufacturers don't have the decency to provide expiration dates. <p>Still, while my ignorance can be a bit of an annoyance, I kind of like that, as I'm surrounded by co-workers discussing the merits of granite vs. marble for a mortar and pestle ("It's pestle, Erin, not pustule"), I'm wondering if the Chinatown Duane Reade still has <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circus_peanuts">Circus Peanuts</a> on sale. And what of purchasing a new microwave? Maybe, but not anytime soon, as I have transitioned to a raw diet. Now I only buy things that can be eaten straight from the package. <p></span></p><span style="font-size:78%;">PHOTO: Next time you're hating on my favorite candy, please remember that, without Circus Peanuts, the world would not have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucky_Charms">Lucky Charms</a>. And you're welcome. </span>Erin "Elvis Lives"http://www.blogger.com/profile/12919703406763498667noreply@blogger.com0