Commuting is for suckers. And poor people. But I repeat myself.

As you probably know, the MTA is raising fares. Again. Seriously though, wouldn't it be great if you could get a gig as sweet at the MTA? Imagine when your yearly review comes up, your boss is all like, "your work performance is extremely poor. You're never on time, there's $600 million missing out of the company coffers, Maintenance is pretty sure that you were responsible for the electrical fire we had last week, and we're still trying to figure out how you managed to flood the copy room." And you could be all like, "I see your point. You'd better raise my salary so I can turn this around."

It's times like these that I consider dropping out of society and pursuing a life of shiftless hoboeing. Say what you will about homelessness, you can't beat the commute.

PHOTO: New York is the only place in the world where people pay good money to stand in a BO-flavored underground tunnel filled with rats and other vermin. Good times.