The company's sexual harassment policy prevents me from being friendlier to my colleagues.

Should I be concerned that my work personality has been completely stunted by fear of violating the corporate harrassment policy? Seriously, I've never thought of myself as a risqué person until I attended the helpful (and mandatory) seminar about the subject. Ever since then, I've been frightened to speak to co-workers, lest I say something objectionable (and possibly actionable). The thing is, saying inappropriate things is kind of the crux of my whole character, and without it, I'm left with only my love of Celebrity Rehab, MMA and serial killers to recommend me, which, surprisingly, don't go over so well at the water cooler. Never fear, intrepid reader -- I shall persevere. Just be prepared for me to sexually harass the sh*t out of your *ss the next time we hang out, cause that crap has a way of backing up on you.

PHOTO: Seriously, who *DOESN'T* love John Cena? He's helped me to believe that white boys can rap again.