World's Emotionally Strongest (And Most Spiteful) Woman

The other night, I arm wrestled a friend at Valhalla on 9th & 53rd (Yeah, I know, but what else is there to do in bars in midtown? After all I cannot, in good conscience, date a guy who wears a tie on Saturday and isn't a waiter. I just wasn't brought up that way).

Anyway, even though I have always had freakish upper body strength (mainly because I'm so lazy that I'd rather carry 50lbs of dirty underwear to the laundromat than go more than once a month), when I beat her, she said, "Of course you won. I'm like 1/5 your size." Wow. I'll be honest -- though I love to joke about others and try to be a good sport when the spotlight is turned on me (for the most part. Um, sometimes. Okay, rarely), I am still reeling from that comment. Mainly because she's more like 3/5 of my size, and I hate people who aren't good at fractions. But also because it was a little hurtful. (As a side note, I will never make fun of people who buy overpriced cookies again. At least, not for the rest of the year.)

However, I am a little glad it happened. Because now I have the motivation to lose a shit-ton of weight so that we can have a rematch. And when I beat her next time (and I *WILL* beat her next time), she'll only have only her inability to properly smack-talk and mediocre arm-strength to blame. After all, the one thing I enjoy more than eating is winning. And though I prefer to cheat, I think this time I'll do it fair and square. That'll really shut ol' 20% up.

PHOTO: If you are going to do a Google Image Search for the movie "Over the Top" at work, be sure that your Moderate Safe-Search is on. Live and learn.