Saturday, November 24, 2007

New Orleans is way Cooler Than Blogging

Sorry that I've been on hiatus again kids -- I am preparing for a big work trip to the Big Easy. Let's hope the event takes a cue from this....

Wish me luck! Back in December....

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Your Laughter Does Not Amuse Me

I recently went to see a live taping (yes, I know -- why must I have so many literary friends who taunt my turn of phrase?!?!) of a Comedy Central special for Mike Birbiglia. For those of you who follow comedy, he's the Olive Garden Italian. For those of you who don't, he's, yeah, I've got nothing. He *IS* a very good stand up comedian though, and, for my money, his secret public journal is the highlight of my week. Every week. God, I need a man. But I digress. Mike was, as ever, hilarious, and, though he rehashed bits form old acts, he had the great good taste (stop it! You can too say that!) to put a new twist on it (My favorite line was "Kenny G., even I don't like your music. And I'm your friend. This is an intervention").

None of this matters though, because I had the good bad luck of being sat next to the annoying laughter girl (Let's call her ALG, which is coincidentally also the sound my body made after a particularly bad bout of her giggles prompted a wave of dry heaves). Actually, I guess it's not fair to call her laugh annoying. Positively and disgustingly wretched is much more accurate. Or even a triple threat of maniacal laughter mixed with a machine gun richochet and just a soupcon of wheezing that really just tied the whole package together. If they had sent this girl to Iraq, Saddam would have come running out of his cave, begging for a landmine to step on. The whole time I just kept thinking, "Seriously, God? You sat me next to this person? What did I ever do to you???? Oh, yes, I remember now...."

In the end, despite my pounding headache and clenched fists, I did feel sorry for her, because there is NO way that she can be oblivious to just how completely annoying her verbal shrapnel of a laugh can be. I just hope that she can one day find happiness with someone with a man who truly loves her as she is -- and is physically incapable of making humorous comments. After all, he may love her, but why should the rest of us suffer?

PHOTO: One day my maniacal laughter and BFA from Tisch shall allow me to overthrow Castle Grayskull and rule all of Eternia! Until then, you can catch me on the night shift at McDonald's on Broadway.

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Quote of the Day

Let me say this as clearly as I can: No matter how sharp a grievance or how deep a hurt, there is no justification for killing innocents.
-William J. Clinton

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We all have a friend who's adamantly not a hipster.

I think everyone one of the friends you have in life play a role. For instance, my friend Whitney's role is to ensure that I never drown in a pool of my own vomit. You're doing a great job, Whit! That near-miss last weekend really underscored just how valuable your friendship is to me.

But sometimes, the niche friends fill is not because of what they are, but rather, what they aren't. For instance, my other friend, Daniela, is not, I repeat NOT, a hipster. However, she is an amazing writer and an even better artist and blogger. So you should check out her blog -- especially if you still dream of the Playa, and were into that whole alternative culture thing way before it was even cool.

PHOTO: Daniela springs from awesomeness -- her dad even makes his own greeting cards (including this one). All my dad ever made were license plates.

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It's one thing to have a blog. It's a whole other to update it regularly.

Dearest reader,

Please don't take my recent hiatuses (or is it hiati?) Hiates?) as a sign that I don't love you. No, I'd prefer it if you'd let my total inability to return your call in a timely manner speak to that issue.

The fact is, I've been incredibly busy at work, um, I'd like to say working. Mostly working. Mainly working. A moderate amount of work has been known to happen in the area around my desk. Um, yeah. Anywho, I know I said I would never blog about my job, but it does rock for a wide variety of reasons, and I'm quite glad to be there.

I wish I could say the same for blogging. Truly, coming up with something funny every day (um, week) has been one of the greatest challenges of this unwieldly beast that is Boredom Blog. I never (maybe never is a little too strong -- how about hardly ever. Um, Rarely. Less than often. Perfect) want to put out something half-ass (okay, I admit half-ass is sort of de rigeur with me, so let's say quarter-assed), because I don't want to subject you to just another page of unwitty dialogue that you're forced to read because you're afraid I'll quiz you on it later (FYI, that was a hint for the New Year's Party -- be sure to bone up!).

Anyway, because I promise you the reader the freshest (or, at least not pickled) content, I must occasionally take breaks to recuperate, and tend to the other parts of my life (like checking out the talent in the Flatiron District, or catching up on my DVR backlog of Designing Women). I hope you understand ... After all, you've always been my favorite. Don't tell the others.

Love and other indoor sports,

Erin Elvi Slives

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Ode to a Three-Hour Meeting

Boredom, my dearest friend
Tis no great shock to see you again
Like relatives, the smell of fish
You tend to linger (against my wish)
Were there a lawyer who specialized
In divorcing our life-long ties
His retainer I would gladly pay
For but my freedom, an execution stay
Sadly, though, he does not exist
And so there you are, and will persist.

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Quote of the Day

If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
-Margaret Thatcher

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Presidential Voting for Dummies

Maybe you're like me in feeling that, now that Stephen Colbert is no longer running for President, you have no f*cking clue who you're going to vote for. And, while it's fun to dig through the nonsensical rhetoric on each candidate's website and watch endless debates, you cannot help but wonder if there's an easier way.

Good news, friend, there is. cuts through the bullshit and tells you who to vote for -- think of it as EHarmony for Politics (though slightly less racist and/or homophobic). Simply enter the criterion that is important to you (marriage for gays: yes, guns for babies: no) and the website spits back the perfect candidate for you (Grandpa Mike Gravel). Who knew being a responsible American citizen could be so easy?

PHOTO: Who is this Ron Paul person, anyway? And why am I so scared???

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