Monday, October 29, 2007

I am the Antidote to a Satisfying Personal Relationship

This weekend I discovered what is wrong with my dating skills. I’m like the Groucho Marx of dating -- I don’t want to be with anyone who’d have me as a girlfriend. To achieve this, I only pick quirky guys who wouldn’t possibly be attracted to me, which then allows for the perfect relationship conundrum. Either they politely avoid me until the restraining order comes through, or decide to date me in a fit of desperation (much like the ones that has kept Jerry Springer in two houses and a villa in Spain these many years). However I have a tendency to punish the latter’s severe lapse in good judgment by obsessing about the quirks that initially drew them to me to them, and eventually, the constant lateness, inability to eat yellow cheese, or odd tendency to bounce when walking (sadly, all real examples) slowly (well, it seems like an eternity, but is usually 2 – 3 weeks) drives me to dumping the person that my mother is convinced is my last chance at happiness.

Because of this, breaking up has always been a relief (and often, quite the highlight of a relationship) for me. Mainly because I then go back to watching Hope Floats on loop and eating Nutella straight from the jar. Okay, I never really stopped, but it is nice to have an excuse to do it.

PHOTO: Even the Evangelicals have given up on me. Oddly enough, I feel very appreciative.

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