I got searched in the subway. Again. For the seventh time in two years. And the second time in a month. This is so getting old. Seriously, NYPD, Terrorists don't love America half as much as I do. So why do you keep harassing me??!?!!!
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Would you ever in your life eat something called "Tidgy Toads?" No? Then you must not be British. Finally, a reason to feel superior. Personally, I'd prefer it were because of our diplomatic efforts and sound foreign policy, but I suppose not selling dodgy snack food named after a mud-covered amphibian will have to do.
PHOTO: Can't you just imagine Aunt Bessie out back behind her house, chasing those slippery f*ckers down for stew?
Fantastic news, everyone -- all charges have been dropped against Duane "Dog" Chapman and his cohorts for illegaling detaining Andrew Luster in Mexico in 2004.
This means that he can continue to make the one show on TV that continues to delight and amaze me with its inane yet poignant approach to bounty hunting. Combining salvation and street wisdom, Dog and his crew escort those who have fallen from grace not only to jail, but to the path to enlightenment. So here's to you, Dog Chapman, for making Hawaii, and the world, just a little bit safer.
Memorable Quotes:
It's just like being a father; you got to show them love and you got to show them the path. I don't like this role-model stuff, though. Jimmy Swaggart was my role model and he got caught buying whores twice. So don't look at me as a role model.
#1 you never hit a woman. #2- you never hit a pregnant woman.
Born on a mountain, raised in a cave. Arresting fugitives is all I crave.
Sometimes even though you win- you lose.
I like it when a plan comes together that you didn't plan.
At the end of the criminal rainbow- there is no pot of gold.
In 1979 Texas Department of Corrections let me loose and they said you know what - go be a productive member of society. I said what? Here is 200 dollars for 18 months making all those big rocks little rocks. Texas was hell back in the seventies- now go do something with your life. I walked out- there is a big clock in the Texas penitentiary and it said high noonsville. I flipped it the bird and cashed my check and away in life I went. Everywhere I went for a job they said what did you do in your past- I said - will discuss. Have you ever been convicted of a felony? I said will discuss. My own father said - you can't get a drivers license, you can't vote, you might as well burn your birth certificate. I had one person that thought I could be something - that was my mother. My mother was part Indian. She said- no matter what son- the sun rises on you. I ain't nothing special- I'm five foor seven soaking wet I'm 200 pounds. What I had was heart and faith and I said I'm going to do this for every convict alive and I'm going to make sure the world knows just because we fell one time doesn't mean we can't get up and let our light shine.
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
-Winston Churchill
Unless you are the president, and then, for the love of god, please sit down!! Damn man, aren't your feet tired? I know America is.
-Erin Elvi Slives
The international sensation Charo, best known for her flamboyant stage presence, provocative outfits and trademark phrase "Cuchi-Cuchi," is also a world-renowned flamenco guitarist with eight records to her name?
God, I love Wikipedia.
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
- Muhammad Ali
Great news, guys! You know that thing?!?!! The thing that I tried to replace but then it was, er, stolen, and I couldn't find it anywhere else?!?!! The thing I wanted more than anything else (with the possible exception being the fireman I met in Rock Center), and have been looking all over for? Well, I might be getting it. Awesome, right?!! Think of how *EVEN* more satisfying this news will be when you figure out what the hell I'm talking about.
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As many of you know, I have a somewhat morbid fascination with death in all of its various forms. Everyone’s gotta have a hobby, right? Which is why I recently was, um, interested to see ‘Ed Gein’, which chronicles the life of the world’s most infamous serial killer.
Now you may be thinking “Who the heck is Ed Gein? How can he be so infamous if I’ve never even heard of him?” Well, the name might not be familiar, but you definitely seen his work. Take Norman Bates from Psycho, Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs, Ezra Cobb from Deranged and Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and wrap them all up into one real live person. That’s right. All *FOUR* of these films are based (albeit loosely) on Gein’s life of necrophilia, murder and general all-around f*cked-up-edness. However, as someone who regularly reads crimelibrary.com and watches CSI religiously, I thought I was prepared to watch this film – I was so f*cking wrong.
The thing about Ed Gein is, as with most serial killers, he really, REALLY loves his mother. There’s even one scene where he’s hugging her, like um, Oedipal-ly tight, and she’s all, “What the hell, Ed? You need to cut that shit out.” (It was a bit more Christian-like, but you get the gist.) What’s even odder is his level of devotion to her, despite her proclivity for constantly reading passages from the bible about whores and dousing him with scalding water when he masturbated. I love my mother a lot too, but either one of those would be a deal breaker for me. Needless to say, this treatment, coupled with the complete isolation (his mother was afraid that outsiders would corrupt her family, so she moved them to a remote farm and prevented Gein from making outside friends) is most likely what led Gein to commit these atrocious acts.
Now, I don’t want to spoil the ending for you, but I feel that I should warn you that he has a penchant for digging up bodies and, um, manipulating them. Also, I learned that a particularly memorable passage from (the book) American Psycho (that I remember to this day with perfect clarity and fright, despite having read it over 13 years ago) describing a certain female body part that had been detached from the body and wrapped in a bow was stolen from Gein’s playbook. This. Film. Is. So. F*cked. Up!
The thing is, while it was spectacularly gruesome specimen, it was incredibly true to the actual occurrences (albeit perhaps a bit more reserved in certain sections, if only to maintain the “R” rating). It also does an excellent job of delving into the psyche of Gein, without making him look like a sympathetic character. Overall, it is great film if you are into ultra-shock horror flick, the scariest part being that (and so much more that we’ll probably never know about) is true. Don't plan on eating or sleeping for a day or so after watching this. You were warned.
TV has brought murder back into the home where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock
