I Wasn't Aware You Could Purchase Shit At Galleries Now

Dear Art World,

I think your ranks have been infiltrated by a scam artist. Don't you know that you should never trust a man without a Wikipedia page? Are you really so desperate that you've lowered your standards to this? How is this "non-painting" art? I mean, come on -- even Andy Warhol spent 10 minutes (and more than one color) on banging out that soup can. And let's just say, for shits and giggles, that it *is* technically art--why the hell do we need more than one? Now, I’ve never pretended to get, or even like, art, but I’m pretty sure that this is not it. The painter, Qiu Shihua, says if you stare at it long enough, objects appear. I believe we have this already -- it's called Magic Eye, and the last time I checked, you could get it BOGO-free from your local mall kiosk. So unless the "object" appearing is the money you paid for it, I recommend passing on this little gem.

Sincerely,

-Erin Elvi Slives
A concerned Elvis fan

PHOTO: I have one just like it in my living room -- it was done by Paz Martinez, a local artist. He works across several mediums and even did the tiles in my bathroom.