He's so sweet I want to punch him.

[Ed. Note: Ah, the classic getting to know you email... Once Facebook got a hold of you, you were never the same.]

From elvi slives
Sent Friday, April 11, 2003 10:33 am
To distribution
Subject Re: Getting to know your friends questionnaire

1. What color are your kitchen plates? PLATES?!?!? I don't own no stinkin' plates!
2. What are you reading now? What A- and J- should be reading ... specifically How to Be Good by Nick Hornby. I've learned nothing yet. NOTHING!
3. What's on your mouse pad? It's black, and has a slot for putting pictures in. I keep the latest top ten list I'm working on in it.
4. Favorite board game? Board Games are what happens when a party runs out of beer. NEVER RUN OUT OF BEER!
5. Favorite magazine? Erm ... I don't know. OH! Maxim.
6. Favorite Smell? Clean clothes. That somebody else washed.
7. Least favorite Smell? Um, that would have to be the gas in my kitchen ... on a related note, does anyone know how to light a pilot light?
8. The first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Nap for 25 more minutes. Everyday. Seriously.9. Favorite color? Black. Until they discover a color that is darker. And then, that shade.
10. Least Favorite color? Too many to enummerate.
11. How many rings before you answer the phone? Assuming that the battery isn't dead. Assuming that the phone is actually on. Assuming that I haven't left it in the back of a cab. 4 rings -- but I'm only assuming.
12. Future child's name? Whoops and Nother-one.
13. What is most important? Three 24 hour drug stores within a five minute walk of your apartment. IN ANY DIRECTION!!!!!! (Except for the river, but I haven't looked yet)
14. Chocolate or Vanilla? Heavenly Hash ... where Chocolate meets Vanilla ... and they make sweet sweet love.
15. Do you like to drive fast? Urm, does L- like Old Navy? I think so!
16. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? George is not a stuffed animal -- he's just deanimated.
17. Storms - cool or scary? Depends -- if I'm drunk, then yes. Just kidding ... I'm always drunk!
18. What type was your first car? A tractor. But it was a John Deere, so that made it all good ...
19. If you could meet one person dead or alive who would it be? Alive. Seriously though, it depends. Would he worship me like a god? Then, Hugh Jackman.......................................sorry, was just thinking about what that would be like. On a related note, does anyone know Hugh Jackman?
20. Favorite alcoholic drink? I like pina coladas. And getting caught in the rain. I don't go for yoga, but I do like champagne.
21. What is your sign and birthday? Septemberish, 19-something or other. I'm twentyish. And a virgo. Which means I HATE YOU. Unless you're my friend. Then we cool.
22. Do you eat the stems of Broccoli? NO -- that would require me to actually eat broccoli. And that would be gross.
23. If you could have any job what would it be? Tough call. Professional Hockey player -- cause then I could play grabass with them without all the legal ramifications. Mmm, grabass.
24. If you could have any color hair, what would it be? Probably the color it is now -- I'd say blonde, but then Beyonce has helped me to discover that I would look like an idiot.
25. Is the glass half full or half empty? If there's liquor in it, probably all empty.
26. Favorite Movie? Mallrats. "I love the smell of commerce in the morning."
27. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? Of course. Do you pee with the door open? What kind of sick bastards write this stuff?
30. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey. Mmmm, grabass.
31. What is your single biggest fear? Living forever. I've been told that it won't happen, but that person also told me that I looked good in pink (really, what were you thinking, Mom?), so I don't know what to believe.
32. Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you. She's moving in with this really great girl! And she calls me when Old Navy puts out their new line of flip flops. That's friendship, people.
33. Person most likely to respond? Erm ... no one. I don't have that many friends.
34. Person you sent this to who is least likely to respond? I hate these questions ... didn't you just hear me? I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY FRIENDS! I nearly shit myself today when I got four emails ... but then I realized that three of them were from my good friends, Emil and Zargost, giving me directions on how I can become longer and harder to better satisfy my many womens. Did you hear that L-?? That's another perk about living with me!
35. Favorite CD? Right now it's Philip Glass' The Hours CD. BUt only because it was free, and my CD player at home refuses to play any others. DAMN FASCISTS! Now they make CD players. I should have known -- it has pics of Mussolini on the speakers.
36. Favorite TV. show? Good Morning Miami (I love Jake -- he's so sweet I want to punch him!)
37. Ketchup or mustard? Salsa. Of course.
38. Hamburgers or hot dogs? Yes, please.
39. Favorite soft drink? Cherry coke, Dr. Pepper, or root beer-- Diet [fill in name of new fad drink here]
40. The best place you have been? The 24 grocery SUPER store on 83rd and 1st -- I didn't know what to do, but I sure had fun (I bought circus peanuts and Diet Orange Crush -- AND I SCOFF AT THE IRONY OF IT ALL!)
41. What Screen Saver is on your computer right now? None. But I have a picture of Helena Bonham Carter smoking a cigarette. Because she's that cool.

PHOTO: Mmm, grabass.