I Watch 'The Starter Wife' so that You Don't Have To

Week Two: Woman finds out from catty neighbors that Man 2 is homeless and confronts him, which leads to him admitting it over a lattes at Starbucks that she made him pay for (in change). (As an aside, if you learned that someone was homeless, wouldn't you offer to pay? Serious WTF.) Woman learns Man 1 is still missing and Husband is dating Britney Spears-type pop star. Husband 2 tries to pay off nanny that he slept with so that she won’t rat on him while Husband tapes it as evidence of blackmail. Friend 2 catches them in the act, threatens to deport nanny and dumps Husband 2. Woman busts Friend 1 out of rehab, reconnects with and consoles Friend 2 over cheating husband. Evidence found in death of Man 1 makes Woman think that Man 2 may have killed him. Gay Friend 4 fights off advances from former accountant who dumped him as a client for being too poor.

Next Week: Woman makes out with third man in as many hours. Seriously, this mini-series out-Thorn Birds anything I’ve seen in recent years. Richard Chamberlain has already contacted USA execs about possible romantic lead roles…

PHOTO: Debra Messing channels her pre-acting roots by playing a trampy whore to bust her friend out of rehab. I can only hope that one of you will do that for me someday.