Every American Deserves the Right to Life, Liberty, and Access to Basic Salon Services

I am going to wedding this weekend near lovely Rochester (the 3rd largest city in New York), and wanted to schedule a blowout at a salon near my hotel. For the very few heterosexual men (hi Kevin!) reading this blog, a blow-out is basically a wash and blow-dry, with a minimal amount of styling. Some people might think that it is stupid to pay someone to dry their hair... And those people would be wrong. Fact is, it would take me over 2 grueling hours to do what a hairstylist can do in 45 minutes. And while it is more cost effective to do it myself, I always end up looking like Jon Lovitz after a title fight with Andy Dick. Which is not good. Not good at all.

Anywho, I called five (FIVE!) area salons, and none of them do blowouts. For the other heterosexual male reading this (hi Matt!), this is a serious W.T.F. Not offering blow-outs at a salon is like not offering off-the-record happy endings at a massage parlour... It's just not done. Now, don't feed me that "we don't do things like they do in the big city" bs -- I am from a small hamlet (we're not even big enough to be a village!) just outside of Niagara Falls, and my grandmother got hers done once a week like clockwork. I even remember my first blow-out -- from a stylist named Leteesha at a salon on Buffalo Avenue. She also did my first chemical relaxer, which was basically 45 minutes of intense scalp burn followed by six hours under a dryer watching Coming to America on mute ....God, those were good times.

So consider yourself on notice, Small Town Outside Rochester: Open up a Supercuts toute de suite, else I'm calling the ACLU -- no one should have to suffer frizz in silence.

PHOTO: A picture of me before getting my last blowout with my stylist, Fritz (right).