I've Got Two Words for You, Paris: Ha, F*cking Ha!!

My mother used to say, "If you can't celebrate the triumphs of your friends, revel in the downfall of your enemies." Or something like that.

With that in mind, I am pleased to announce that Paris is up shit creek without a paddle. Well, actually, she's up shit creek with a paddle, but it's not diamond encrusted, and there's nary a servant to be found to do the actually paddling, which is the same thing for poor Paris (literally!). Given her many forays into infamy, I am sure that Paris will find her way out of this one, but isn't it glorious to think for a minute, that she might *shocking* have to do her own laundry one day? God, just imagining her trying to figure out how to put the coins in the machine has made my week. She's going to be broke!!! Huzzah! Justice has once again prevailed in the universe!

Perhaps we are being too mean -- we should extend an olive branch and take her to the Olive Garden -- after all, it *is* the poor man's Nobu.

PHOTO: If only there were someway that she could use one of her talents to procure a career path that would fund her pursuits. I hear she’s a mighty-fine knitter—perhaps that could pay the bills.